UPbeat Living:The Gift of Endings |
In a quiet moment today, look into your heart and ask yourself, "What am I tolerating?".
Some people are very happy, very much at peace. I don't meet them in my practice. Everyone who comes to me is ready for assistance with making changes. Some arrive in my office because their body hurts, with pains ranging from headaches and back problems to spastic colons, reproductive disorders, and tinnitus. Some are so exhausted they can hardly walk. Some are emotionally or mentally ready for change and simply ask for coaching. Some are shouting, and some are crying; some can hardly talk. Generally, anyone who hurts in body, mind, heart, or spirit, would benefit by changing something in their lifestyle. Some who would benefit are even ready to make changes.
What are you tolerating? How sad, angry, or sick is it making you? How much of your time does it take up?
Someone recently sent me dozens of gross e-mail transmissions, which at first I thought I would ignore. Then, as I received 20 in one day, I realized I was physically feeling nauseated. I was tolerating sickening, debasing (to women, to sexuality, to the sender...) transmissions, which I more recently discovered could cost the sender his job. I burned up 20 minutes discussing constructive responses with someone, as a Reality Check.
Many people have much bigger issues they are much more upset about. Some people are becoming tired, losing their concentration, or becoming crabby with colleagues and loved ones, because they need to negotiate new agreements or say goodbye to a relationship. Some need to say goodbye to a job or a business partner or a patient.
We wonder sometimes, "If I drop this job/relationship/degree program, will I be able to do any better? Is this as good as it gets?" One of the fundaments of relationship addiction is the low-self-esteem conviction that one does not deserve better or can never get more and therefore must hang on to the closeness or situation one has now.
I believe deeply that endings give us room for wonderful beginnings on new, higher planes. Many times an ending has created new opportunities for myself, for clients, for friends. Firings or quittings have turned into new careers. Dissolved partnerships have turned into refreshing, profitable new corporate groups. The founder of a computer company was replaced, went to his garage, and started a new challenger company. Sometimes saying you must leave a relationship removes the burden of "saving it" from the other person, who was ready to move on also. Some will thank you for saying it's over. Many remarried people are glowing and deeply happy for the first time in their lives; some second marriages are now celebrating 30 years or more of bliss.
Now don't go into the living room and tell your spouse this author said you need a divorce. The answer is within you. What are you tolerating? What do you need?
What's behind the Door To The Future? It's what you create. If you need to, give the gift of endings, to yourself, your job, your client. Now turn your full attention to Your Life, which has been waiting all along for you to really live it.
(c) Kebba Buckley 1998. World Rights Reserved.
Kebba Buckley, M.S., is a stress management coach. A Masters' degree scientist, she has a pain and stress management clinic, and has been helping people with stress-caused discomforts for over 20 years. E-mail questions to KebbaBuckl@aol.com or phone 602/481-3434.