Tidbits |
Over the years this column has accumulated a number of items that are too good to keep to oneself, and wants to share them with its readers:
According to a recent survey, the national average of the time spent in one-on-one conversation with one’s spouse is 27 minutes per week.
This is the Kansas Board of Education’s reconciliation of the biblical 10,000 year age of the Earth with the geological evidence that it is 5 billion years old: "God can create old rocks if He wants to."
The Chinese government has issued a new regulation that when a family has a child, it is all right for the child to be a girl if she can play soccer.
Doctors throughout the United States are getting together to discuss forming a labor union. According to them, hospitals and insurance companies are taking millions of dollars from patients that are rightfully theirs.
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife that diamond jewelry makes her look cheap and a sable coat makes her look fat.
This letter appeared in the Sydney, Australia, Morning Herald: "Thank God we got the convicts and they got the Puritans."
Senator John McCain, a Navy pilot who was shot down over Vietnam and spent more than six years as a prisoner of war, discusses the fact that during the Vietnam War George Bush was a member of the Texas Air National Guard. He says that he slept better during the years of his incarceration knowing Bush was defending the shores of Texas from invasion.
Conversation overheard outside a pavilion at the County Fair: "Is Al Fresco in there?" "No, I think he’s outside."
Richard Lipp of List & Clark Construction, talking about a Y2K compliance survey sent to his company: "We sell sand. I dutifully returned the survey, noting that our engineers have assured me that our sand will continue to function as specified on and after January 1, 2000."
Joe DiMaggio, on his defensive ability as an outfielder: "There’s no trick to catching a ball in the open field, no matter how far it is hit, as long as it stays in the air long enough." From a story by Ring Lardner: "Are we lost, Daddy?" I asked. "Shut up," he explained.
The 1999 Pulitzer Prize for explanatory reporting was awarded to Richard Read of the Portland Oregonian for showing the impact of the Asian economic crisis on a local french fries exporter.
According to an old duck hunter, the best way to eat duck is to marinate the bird in fine wine for three days, then throw away the bird and drink the wine.
The World Wide Web address sex.com recently sold for $1 million.
From Tarzan of the Apes: "My mother was an ape, and of course she couldn’t tell me much about it. I never knew who my father was."
From the Salt Lake Tribune: The Brigham Young University Honor Code prohibits among other things smoking, drinking and non-marital sex at the LDS Church owned school in Provo. There is a perception that the new university administration is going to enforce the code more strictly than in the past. As a result, the Athletic Department is having trouble recruiting players that have made the school a football powerhouse, even though they tell the recruits that there is no truth to the rumor.
Plans are under way to open a Canadian chain of restaurants similar to Hooters. They will operate under the name Knockers. If your travel plans include Canada and you intend to go to one of these restaurants, remember to keep in mind the rate of exchange. A Canadian 44D is the equivalent of an American 34B.
Morris Udall, after withdrawing from the 1976 Presidential race: "The public has spoken … the bastards."
When you prepare a healthy meal of healthful and nutritious foods like tofu tuna salad, carrot sticks, and fresh fruits, keep in mind that a balanced meal should have at least one junk food item.
Don Marquis’ Archy the cockroach: "Now and then there is a person born who is so unlucky that he runs into accidents which started out to happen to somebody else."
If you are considering visiting Alaska and doing any camping there, authorities request that you note the following public service announcement: Tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away most bears (grizzly, black, etc.) but be careful because they don’t scare Kodiak bears. You are cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Kodiak bears. You can easily spot the Kodiak bears’ droppings. Those are the droppings that contain those tiny bells.
Canadian Consul General Kim Campbell, speaking to the Economic Club of Phoenix: "Some people think that Canada represents an opportunity lost. We had a chance for English government, American technology and French culture. Instead, we have French government, English technology and American culture."
Scientists have found evidence that parrots coexisted with dinosaurs. This means that parrots have been here 60 million years longer than humans. Which raises the possibility that parrots may have taught people to talk.
In support of Older Americans Month, the AARP suggests that all seniors leave the turn signals in their cars on all month.