Gore National Monument: Greetings, Oktoberfesters

By Alan Gore

On Saturday, October 16, at 7 p.m., it's going to be time once again for Ursula and Alan Gore's traditional fall Salon we call Gore National Monument. For those of you who are new to GPM, the Gore grounds offer a variety of diversions that lend themselves to an evening of significant carousage. For directions, see Leigh Butler's "Partying" column, or call us at 602-863-9648. Our email is agore@primenet.com

Since we are about to embark on a new millennium, it's time we set some standards of dignity for Mensa events here, besides reducing the need for NATO intervention:

1. If you arrive in a Hummvee, make sure it is parked with the gun pointing between houses.

2. Do not annoy the bears, or clean fish in the hot tub.

3. For your own safety: if you go into the amphitheater, you must be accompanied by a picador.

4. Please refrain from clearcutting in our old-growth eucalyptus stand. It's so discourteous.

5. No, we're not going to do a Burning Man this year.

6. The door to the bunker must remain closed at all times. It's only two weeks from Halloween.

7. The provisional bioaccess code for the Linux experimental directory is TGATTCGTAGAC. This is subject to change at any time. Please do not press any buttons on the main workstation keyboard during Hang Seng trading hours. The rule is that if you bought it, you have to pay for it.

8. The Schmidt-Cassegrainian is not a toy. Using it to burn ants by moonlight will be frowned on.

9. And finally: we don't care if you're really, really in love. We eat off that banquet table!

Be there - and enjoy!