ROLL M |
They’re out to get you. No, not the things that go bump in the darkened Cineplex. We’re talking about the major movie studios. They’re trying to scare the … dollars out of you this summer at the box office. Watch out for ghosts, goblins, witches, sharks, haunted houses, disappearing brides … and Richard Nixon!
First up: The Blair Witch Project (starring Heather Donahue, Michael Williams and Joshua Leonard; written and directed by Daniel Myrick & Eduardo Sanchez; rated R.)
The scariest thing about The Blair Witch Project is the tidal wave of hype that preceded it. Lines around the block, rumors of people getting violently ill and losing their popcorn, more rumors that the story was really true – that the three young filmmakers in the movie were never seen again. Oh wait, isn’t that them, standing in line at the bank, depositing all that cash this movie has made? Sorry, but I found this movie neither scary nor well made. So much has been said about these recent film school grads who made The Blair Witch Project on a shoestring budget (anywhere from $25,000 to $60,000 has been given), and how the film is now making gazillions. I found it to be nothing more than a rather lame romp in the woods, lots of shaky hand-held "cinema verité" which gets old really fast. We never see the "Blair Witch;" instead, we hear strange, not very scary sounds at night, we see lots (and lots) of leaves on the ground, people run and scream, there are mysterious piles of rocks and stick figures found – but none of this seems particularly frightening. There is no music; the movie is shot on the cheap -- in 16mm, (with several blank frames containing nothing but sound. I was mystified at how the audience could sit, enraptured, staring at the blank screen! No wonder this movie cost so little – they didn’t even need film for much of it!). I’d be interested if some Mensan could clue me in on why this film is such a success.
ONE OWL (out of 5)
Next, we have the old standby, the haunted house. The Haunting (starring Lili Taylor, Liam Neeson, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Owen Wilson and Bruce Dern; screenplay by David Self, based on "The Haunting of Hill House," by Shirley Jackson; directed by Jan De Bont. Rated PG-13.)
The Haunting is a remake of a Robert Wise thriller from 1963, based on the same book. This time there are outstanding special effects, in which the whole house eventually comes alive and becomes the antagonist. Set-up has Neeson as a professor studying human fear. He tricks four unsuspecting young people into staying in the haunted mansion by advertising for insomniacs for a sleep disorders study. This is more of a psychological thriller than a "gotcha!" movie, and the scary moments seem too much of a set-up. Still, it’s probably the best of the summer’s chillers.
THREE OWLS (out of 5)
Just when you thought it was safe to go into the Cineplex again, along comes Deep Blue Sea (starring Thomas Jane, Saffron Burrows, Samuel L. Jackson, LL Cool J; written by Duncan Kennedy, Donna Powers and Wayne Powers; directed by Renny Harlin, rated R.). This is really more of an action thriller than a scary movie, but it does attempt to offer chills and suspense. It only mildly succeeds. This must have sounded good when it was pitched: "Jaws" meets "Alien." It’s been 24 years since the first was releases; 20 years since the latter. Perhaps they never should have been introduced this late in the game. The premise involves a research platform where a scientist is experimenting with sharks’ brains, attempting to find a cure for Alzheimer’s. In doing so, she has created sharks with attitude. After a storm isolates the workers from any attempts at rescue, the sharks start doing their thing, picking off the human hors d’oeuvres one by one. We know that only one or two will survive in the end – it’s just a question of who will it be? On the scary side, there is little to jolt your from your seat, save one really great moment. Unfortunately, it is not enough to redeem the entire picture.
TWO OWLS (out of 5)
The Sixth Sense (starring Bruce Willis, Haley Joel Osment, Toni Collette, Olivia Williams and Donnie Wahlberg; written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan; rated PG-13.) This is not a particularly scary movie, but because of its theme, we’re lumping it in with the summer scare-fest. Haley Joel Osment (an incredibly talented young actor) plays a troubled child who sees dead people walking around (read: ghosts). Bruce Willis is his equally troubled therapist. Together they slog through reel after reel of one of the most boring pictures ever put on celluloid. And then – ta da! The film has a surprise ending that almost redeems it. If it wasn’t such a chore to sit through, it would be worth seeing for a second time just to see if it was properly set up for the final plot twist.
TWO AND A HALF OWLS (out of 5)
Dick (starring Kirsten Dunst, Michelle Williams, Dan Hedaya, Dave Foley and Harry Shearer; written by Andrew W. Fleming & Sheryl Longin; directed by Andrew W. Fleming; rated PG-13.) Ooh, now here’s a story that’s really scary – a funny picture about Richard "Tricky Dicky" Nixon! Subtitled "The Unmaking of the President," this is one of the funniest pictures of the year and could be a real sleeper. The plot concerns two Washington teens, one of whom happens to live at the Watergate complex. The kids stumble across strange goings-on during the era of G. Gordon Liddy, Haldeman & Erlichman and all those other fun people. They may be light of brain, but somehow the duo manage to become presidential dog-walkers and White House insiders. This is too good to miss!
FOUR AND A HALF OWLS (out of 5)
The Runaway Bride (starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere; written by Sara Parriott & Josann McGibbon; directed by Garry Marshall; rated PG.) Okay, so this doesn’t fit in with the "summer scare" theme. But I liked this refreshing change of pace. I took my 93-year-old mother to see this and wasn’t embarrassed once. Roberts and Gere and director Marshall first teamed up for 1990’s smash Pretty Woman, and the chemistry is still there. This is lightweight fare about a young lady from Maryland who keeps leaving ’em at the altar. Gere is a reporter from the Big City. Here is the basic plot: boy meets girl; boy hates girl (& vice-versa); boy and girl fall in love; boy loses girl; happy ending (you figure it out – you’re in Mensa).
THREE AND A HALF OWLS (out of 5)