Conclusion: Mensans are Pigs. |
No, not you. I mean the one sitting next to you. Certainly, never you. After all, it wouldn't have been you who discarded your empty beer cup at poolside, would it? Several times, over the course of the weekend? Along with five or six of your friends' empty cups? Surely not.
It wouldn't have been you who left part-empty popcorn bags and loose popcorn on the movie room floor all day and all night, no? Didn't think so. Oh, that's right, you were the thoughtful one who ferreted a vacuum cleaner out of Housekeeping and cleaned up, for a moment, the rising popcorn tide.
By the same token, you did notice the sign-up charts in "Quark's Tavern," didn't you, that asked Mensans to volunteer a few minutes of their time to help the hard-working hospitality crew? No? Well, I suppose that's understandable … they were pretty much hidden, after all, being so colorful, and pinned up at eye level on a blank wall and all. Guess that's why not a single person wrote their name down on those "Please Help Us" sheets. We'll try to make them more conspicuous next time.
However, we're delighted to see you were able to find the materials - next to the sign-up charts -asking how we could improve the hospitality suite. You generously filled out almost five pages with 67 separate ideas and complaints. This must have kept you too busy, though, to volunteer a few minutes to help put your own suggestions into effect. We especially treasured the selflessness displayed in those gems of advice. Who was the Mensan, we wonder, who wrote, typically: "Why is there no peanut butter?"
May we respectfully suggest that this Mensan might have walked or driven the 150 yards to one of Phoenix's largest and best-stocked supermarkets, and brought back a two-dollar jar of peanut butter to share? Hmmm?
It must be that you - oh, I'm sorry, I mean the person next to you - were enjoying our RG so much, you just didn't have the odd few moments to contribute something of your own to its success.
Well, I suppose that's a good thing - and for the most part, your evaluation sheets do concur. (May we offer a teensy word of advice here, to those few people who absolutely hated the RG, but valiantly endured the torture for all three days? Once you have all agreed on your gripes and bitches, you would actually make more of an impression on the RG committee if you didn't all write the exact same complaints in the exact same sequence and exact same words.)
We must apologize to you here again, because it seems that you found as much difficulty locating the signature line on the evaluation form as you did locating the volunteer forms in the hospitality rooms, and so we are unable to thank you personally. I'm sure you know who you are, though.
No, not you, of course. The Mensan next to you.