Growing Up A Catholic |
the “new” problems faced by the church in the cover-up of priests who have sexually molested or abused children, I am constantly reminded of the time I spent growing up as a devout little Catholic girl in a town in upstate New York. Though we were so young, we saw and heard so much about the sexual problems of priests with children. We were taught to ignore it and steer clear of “close” contact with the priests. We were in a predominately Catholic area, and were excused during the day to go to Catechism class in a building nearly next door to the school.This was in addition to First Communion or Confirmation classes that were held at the church. The few students who weren’t Catholic stayed behind in the classroom. I remember so well that none of the rest of us wanted to go.
We learned very early not to get too near to specific priests and which were always safe. Yes, we told our parents about the problems, but we were usually shushed and told to stay away from them. Our parents seemed to be sympathetic to them, so we were taught “this is the way it is,” just avoid it. As we grew older we tried to lead younger girls away from the priest who might be sitting them on his lap, before they could be fondled or made to cry.We thought we were being very wise and in control of a situation that we had no control of. We thought there was nothing else we could do. It always was and always would be.
What we saw and experienced was primarily heterosexual priests taking advantage of young girls. We knew of some former alter boys who had been fondled, (of course we knew nothing of pedophilia) but each time one of them was assaulted they left the church and stayed away or begrudgingly attended church on Sunday with their parents only. As children, we shared with each other the dirty little secret we thought we held that we shouldn’t tell any one else. But at that time it was mostly girls. It’s probable that there were many more boys than we knew, but the emphasis seemed to be on girls especially the parochial all girl’s schools. We were in contact with other students across town, and on occasion some of the functions we attended were religious, so conversation usually turned to incidents of this priest or that priest. Our stories were always with a giggle and a hidden inner dread. As we grew up we stayed away from the Church more and more unless our parents insisted on Sunday Mass. But the Catholic Church had begun to lose most of us.
Keeping in mind that we were mostly immigrant families may explain some of the attitude of our parents and the families that turned their heads to ignore the problem. Our parents were trying to assimilate into this country. They brought with them the old world emphasis on religion and the belief that the Pope was “infallible” therefore the priests can do no wrong. They excused any behavior that was against their own moral code because they felt sympathy for the priests. They felt the priests were unfairly tempted primarily because of the vow of celibacy and they thought that some priests had difficulty in maintaining that vow.
Many times the older women commented and sympathized on how difficult it was for Father X or Father Y, who they felt, had “normal” urges, to control himself. Certainly celibacy was considered the problem, not the priest.
As we, became better educated and aware of the fallacies of the Church we
drifted away. Many of us still sought a form of deep spirituality that we had
been raised with and turned to alternative faiths or “new age” movements. We
needed something that the Catholic Church began, but the Church had left us
in a sea of rules, failed beliefs, and contradictory behavior. We were expected
to accept it without questioning and we could no longer believe.
The Catholic Church has lost us, but it didn’t just happen. It’s been going
on for years. The problems have been covered up but it’s only now that we’re
just beginning to catch up to it.