Acute Angles - A Shakespeare Symposium |
Moderator: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re fortunate that our guests have been kind enough to accept our invitation to join us at tonight’s symposium. Horatio was the best friend of Prince Hamlet of Denmark; the Earl of Kent was a friend of King Lear of Britain; Dick was a follower of Jack Cade who led the rebellion against King Henry VI; and Portia is the famous lady lawyer from Venice. Please give our guests a warm welcome.
Horatio: Alas, poor Hamlet, I knew him well. He was terribly confused and conflicted. He couldn’t make up his mind about what he wanted to be, or not to be. First he went abroad to school, then decided to come home, then went to England, then came back again. He could never get along with his stepfather, and was badly broken up by Ophelia’s tragic death. It’s no wonder he was afraid to sleep, perchance to dream. I think his mother could have done more for him than she did. After his father’s death, she could have prepared him better for her remarriage. And as soon as he started seeing ghosts, she should have insisted that he go into therapy.
Moderator: Thank you for your insights. Next we’ll hear from Dick, who will give us some thoughts about politics and what his friend Jack Cade hoped to accomplish by his rebellion.
Dick: You can’t realize how bad things were for the poor people in England in the 1400’s. Jack’s problem was that he was ahead of his time. Today he would have been right up there with the best of our politicians and would have won election in a walk. Look at his platform: there would be seven halfpenny loaves for a penny; the three-hooped pot would have ten hoops; it would become a felony to drink small beer; all the realm would be in common, there would be no money and everybody would eat and drink free. Doesn’t that sound like what every candidate promises today? The first thing he would have done was to kill all the lawyers.
Moderator: As long as you bring up the subject of lawyers, let’s hear what Portia has to say about that.
Portia: He would have had to kill all the lawyers, because what he promised is clearly unconstitutional. It sounds like communism, which has already been tried and proved a failure.
Moderator: You were one of the first Women’s Libbers. Tell us something about your career.
Portia: I got into the practice of law by accident. My husband’s friend Antonio cosigned a loan for him from a moneylender, secured by a pound of his flesh. They missed the repayment date and Shylock, the moneylender, insisted on his pound of flesh. I disguised myself as a lawyer and went to court to represent Antonio. First I tried the merciful Duke routine – you know, “the quality of mercy is not strained; it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven” sort of thing. But it didn’t work. Finally, I found a legal loophole: Shylock could have his pound of flesh, but not a single drop of blood. That case made me famous, and I built a lucrative practice finding loopholes for big corporations to get them out of trouble and keep their executives out of jail.
Moderator: It’s too bad Kent’s friend Lear never met Portia. A good lawyer might have kept him from getting into trouble. Perhaps Kent can give us his take on that. How could Lear have been so dumb?
Kent: I think his biggest problem was that he attended too many estate planning seminars. He was always talking about avoiding probate, about estate taxes and high nursing home costs. My advice to those members of the audience who go to free financial lunches is don’t take any of their advice. Spend your money on yourself and stop worrying about your heirs – they can have what’s left, and let them worry about the taxes. Especially, don’t give it away in advance, or you’ll wind up like Lear.
Moderator: Thank you panel for a very informative discussion. I think we have all learned a lot about Shakespeare and how well his wisdom applies to our time.